I was listening to one of my favorite talk radio shows, and the host was interviewing an author about his recent book. I can’t recall the name of it or the author, but it was all about how before new and good things can happen in a person’s life they first have to experience an ending to what went before. For instance, if you were in love with someone and it didn’t work out, it’s difficult to love someone else until you have emotionally ended the relationship. If you are holding on to the notion that someday you will get back together, even though the other person has moved on, you won’t be able to get on with your life.
What he said makes sense. Not just for personal relationships but for a job search as well. We may know that the old job is gone. We’re not showing up for work every day any more. But we may feel like we are still part of the job or the company because of all the years spent on the job, or just connecting our success or worth with that job. Time spent wondering “what if…” or “if only” keeps the doors open and your thoughts occupied with the past. Before you can put your heart and soul into finding a new job you need an ending to the last.
1. Your business cards are not you. When I was laid off from a job I really loved, I kept some of my old business cards. They made me a little sad and angry. For awhile I had one foot in the past, remembering how comfortable and confident I felt in that job. The future seemed scary, since I didn’t know what was ahead. I finally threw the old cards out, since they were a wedge in the door of my past that needed to snap shut.
2. Accept the ending. There is a grieving process that goes along with a job loss. You go through stages before getting to acceptance and moving on. Some people get stuck at the denial stage, hoping that their former employer will come to his senses and call them back to work. If you’re still hoping this is all just a bad dream and things will turn around, you are probably mistaken. It’s time to face facts. Accept the ending and begin the next chapter in your work life.
3. Drop the calls. Calling, texting and tweeting your former co-workers is a distraction to them and just prolongs the agony. Relationships change quickly. Close the door and spend the time rewriting your resume, reading blogs and articles on finding a job and networking with those that can help you find your next opportunity
4. Cool off. You may have been treated unfairly, your boss was a major jerk and you lost the best job you ever had. You may be angry and even entertaining thoughts about getting even. Don’t do it. Someone told me that your reputation always beats you to your next job. The only person you will hurt is you. If you have a case for wrongful termination, file a complaint with the EEOC and let the system take its course. Or forgive and decide to forget.
5. Get off the couch. You may not feel like getting dressed, but you won't make a good impression at a networking event without a shower and a change of clothes. A little personal pity party is OK, but after a couple of weeks, you need to get up and rejoin the living.
6. Tell someone. We’ve heard stories about people who were so embarrassed they lost a job that they continued to get dressed and leave the house, pretending to go to work. There’s no place to hide. Keeping up the illusion won’t make it happen. Losing a job isn’t fatal. It may be fateful, opening new doors to a better, more fulfilling career. But first, you’ve got to shut the door on the old one. Why not lock it as well.
How did you get over your last job? Share your thoughts in the Comments below.
Mary Nestor-Harper, SPHR, is a consultant, blogger, motivational speaker and freelance writer for phillyjobs.com. Based in Savannah, GA, her work has appeared in Training magazine, Training & Development magazine, Supervision, BiS Magazine and The Savannah Morning News. When she’s not writing, she enjoys singing with the Savannah Philharmonic Chorus and helping clients reinvent their careers for today’s job market. You can read more of her blogs at phillyjobs.com and view additional job postings on Nexxt.
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