Last time, we were talking about creating road-maps for success. Deciding where you want to be and coming up with an idea as to how to get there is the first step toward reaching your goals. So, now that we have the vision, all we have to do is put our plans in motion. But, it is never that easy, is it? Just like a road trip, there are so many things that can get in the way of success. New opportunities that seem like a short-cut but turn into a several year delay, not leaving where you are before the winter snowstorms set in or being sidelined for car repairs. It happens to all of us, and there isn't much you can do about it, aside from recognizing the problem and doing what you can to get back on track. But, what about the road blocks and delays that we bring on ourselves? These can be harder to spot and even more of a challenge to fix. The key is recognizing the self-defeating behaviors before they create road-blocks to your success. Here are some common ones:
- Feeling like a phony- Even the most successful people are often filled with the idea that they don't deserve the position or success they have. They feel like they don't really know that much and worry that one day someone is going to realize that they have no idea what they are doing. Believe it or not, this is very, very common. Often it is the result of growing up and receiving messages that we aren't good enough or that you shouldn't think too highly of yourself. This belief can be a huge road-block because it keeps many of us from promoting ourselves and actively chasing our dreams. When you find yourself stuck in this place, be confident, promote yourself and, if you have to, fake the confidence. Self promotion isn't the same thing as being arrogant or bragging, so don't let fear hold you back.
- Thinking that life is supposed to be fair- I do this more often than I care to admit. But the sad truth is that Fairs are for tourists, life is random and all you can do is accept it and move on. There is this overwhelming idea that if we are good, if we work hard and if we stay in the lines we will be rewarded. What's even more dangerous, is the idea that if we take a vacation or a day off, if we make bad choices or if we don't conform, there will be swift punishment. It doesn't work that way. Sometimes, you work really hard at something and it just doesn't work. Sometimes, the person who least deserves the promotion ends up being your boss. It isn't fair and it isn't right. But the question is, “Do you want to be right and fair, or do you want to be happy and successful?”.
Personally, I can get so upset and stuck on the idea of being “right” that I fail to see that arguing my “rightness” will only serve to make me unhappy in the long run. So, say sorry when you know it will make someone feel better, even when you don't think that you were wrong. When meeting someone half-way isn't good enough, go ahead and meet the three-quarters of the way, knowing that there are times when you aren't able to go half-way yourself.
Stay tuned for the next installment, with some more ways that we road-block our own successes.
Do you recognize any of these situations in your own life? Are there other things you do that hold you back? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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By Melissa Kennedy- Melissa is a 9 year blog veteran and a freelance writer, along with helping others find the job of their dreams, she enjoys computer geekery, raising a teenager, supporting her local library, writing about herself in the third person and working on her next novel.
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