The Right Ways To Handle A Bully At Work

Joe Weinlick
Posted by in Career Advice


A workplace bully can drain your happiness instantly and impact your productivity, even if you're working your dream job. Workplace bullies drastically impact the morale of a company and can negatively affect an employee's confidence and ability to thrive on the job. Use the following strategies to stop bullying in its tracks and improve your workplace environment.

Assess the Situation

It might help to uncover the reasons why a co-worker or supervisor is a bully. Is a co-worker putting others down because he feels inadequate or unsuccessful? Does a colleague spread rumors or engage in negativity because she needs attention? Does a supervisor have the need for power and berates employees to feel a sense of accomplishment or superiority? Deciphering why the bullying occurs might help you better determine how to stop it in its tracks.

Identify the Target

Unfortunately, some people are just hostile in nature. Determine whether or not the bullying is targeted toward you specifically, a certain group of people or everyone at the office. Observe how the bully treats your co-workers. An unpleasant person who is difficult to work with usually targets more than one individual. You might not be the only one experiencing the bully's negative behavior and attitude. If you notice a pattern, report the behavior to a supervisor or top-level manager, and don't allow the employee's negativity to taint your positive approach to your job.

Stand Up to the Bully

Never allow workplace bullies to interrupt, ridicule or personally attack you at the workplace. Stand up to the bully, and maintain a high level of professionalism during the interaction. Explain that you expect all of your work associates to conduct themselves professionally, and point out the behavior that is unacceptable. Be polite when discussing the situation, and try not to get emotional. Phrases such as "I don't think your tone is appropriate" or "Please do not interrupt me during business meetings" communicates that you are taking a stand and setting expectations.

Maintain eye contact and stay calm when confronting your bully. It's also a good idea to express your desire to work cohesively with all associates, as this creates a more productive, enjoyable and positive work environment.

Document Interactions

If the instances of bullying happen often and you decide to report the behavior to a supervisor, make sure you have documentation of your interactions with the individual. As the bullying occurs, notate each incident. Jot down the date, time and location where the incident occurred, and briefly explain what happened. Focus on the facts surrounding the incident, and refrain from expressing your emotions. Quote exact phrases used by you and the bully, and document the duration of each interaction. Write down the names of any witnesses who were around when the incident occurred.

Report the Behavior

There is only so much you can do to stop an out-of-control bully. In extreme situations, your only option might be to get a supervisor or top-level manager involved. Present your documentation to a trusted supervisor or manager, and explain how the bullying impacts your performance and client interactions. Supervisors are more likely to take your claims seriously if you approach them professionally and present detailed documentation of each incident.

If the bully is your supervisor or manager, take your concerns to your company's human resources department. Human resources specialists are obligated to investigate any serious claims. This department also steps in if the bully tries to retaliate against an employee who files a legitimate complaint.

The best way to handle a workplace bully is to confront him. Maintain a polite and professional demeanor when confronting the bully, as employees who allow bullies to throw them into a fit of rage might be putting their professional career in jeopardy. Use the proper protocol for reporting incidents if you decide to file a claim. This helps to minimize the likelihood of the bully retaliating or harassing you during the investigation.

 

Photo Courtesy of Jesadaphorn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

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  • bich-hang thi p.
    bich-hang thi p.

    What can anyone do to make everyone live in USA to understand that?

  • Nancy Anderson
    Nancy Anderson

    Sadly, @Kelly, if the HR Director is the boss of the bully, I dare say that he/she already knows about the bullying and is not taking action. In a case like that, your only other course of action, should you wish to pursue it, would be to go to an outsider - such as a lawyer who specializes in bullying in the workplace. Know that when you do this that you should probably be looking for a new position. Even though they can't legally fire you, unless they have documented cause, they can certainly make life miserable for you - more so than it was before. So make sure that you have thought it all through before you take action. Not to bring politics into this but look at the campaign of the leading Republican candidate. In my eyes, this person is nothing but a big bully himself. Not who I would like to see as our next President.

  • KELLY SIMONETTE
    KELLY SIMONETTE

    What do you do when your supervisor's supervisor is also the HR director?

  • Nancy Anderson
    Nancy Anderson

    Thanks @Hema for your comment. Yours is the reason that everyone seems to give - fear of losing their job. It is truly sad that we live in a world like this where bullies seem to win.

  • Hema Zahid
    Hema Zahid

    I’ve experienced my fair share of bullying in the workplace. In my last place of employment, a few of us were bullied by a supervisor and the management was unwilling to do anything about it. The supervisor eventually transferred to another unit. I really wish that some of us had gotten together to call her out on her behavior, but we all needed the work at that point in time.

  • Nancy Anderson
    Nancy Anderson

    Thanks for the comments. @Tara totally agree. Most bullies are smarter than we give them credit for. And they very well could have gotten to that higher position by bullying. What is it going to take to get them to step this behavior? A bully who is higher up in the food chain. I am a true believer in what goes around comes around! @Glenn sounds like you are speaking from personal experience. That's pretty elaborate even for a bully. Hopefully you moved on from there to a much better position!

  • Glenn R.
    Glenn R.

    Bullies who want to make you leave, or not pay you, despite successful performance, could manufacture a crisis, such as fibbing that the product of a large order has fallen apart, & put that on your miserable shoulders as management and imposter buyers on the phone blame you, and fake samples as proof of faulty product show up on your desk, & blame you for their botched order (which was really fine & sold fine, you find out years later).

  • Tara Avery
    Tara Avery

    I wonder, though, what should one do when the bullying is not quite as overt as mentioned here? Some workplace bullies are more subtle, and, unfortunately, unless others witness the bullying and understand it for what it is, I fear some employees may feel it will come down to a case of one person's word against the other. If the bully is someone of higher position, or who is well-liked by management, it can be very demoralizing.

  • Jay Bowyer
    Jay Bowyer

    I think it's so important to follow your instincts where workplace bullying is concerned. Quite often, people don't do that to "keep the peace" and as a result, the bullying escalates to fever pitch before anything is done about it. If you feel you're being bullied, please report the bullying sooner rather than later and take a firm stand to ensure the other individual knows his or her behavior is unacceptable.

  • Nancy Anderson
    Nancy Anderson

    Thanks for your comments @Shaday and @Kellen. Yes it is true that going to HR is not always the answer. However, the problem needs to be addressed or it will just continue. Sometimes, though, the only option for those being bullied is to contact an outside lawyer and bring a lawsuit against the company. Of course you know that you won't be able to work there once the lawsuit is brought so you need to be prepared to move on. Question: Have you tried to just ignore the bully as @William mentioned previously? Bullies want attention and, if you don't respond to their bullying, they are going to move on to someone else.

  • Shaday Stewart
    Shaday Stewart

    I have to agree with Laura that gaslighting is a serious problem when bullying comes from upper management. Sometimes it's difficult to understand whether a boss like that is even doing it intentionally or only knows how to communicate in that one way. In those cases, you can rarely go to HR (assuming the company even has one). When the company culture is built on intimidation, HR and management simply try to convince the victims they are overreacting to every situation and creating imaginary problems. Moving on is the only option to get back to a healthy environment.

  • Kellen P.
    Kellen P.

    Bullying in the workplace is a tricky topic. I don't think that going to your company's human resources department is always a good idea. I have known situations -- in small businesses, especially -- where the human resources department is also being bullied by the owner/manager/CEO. They might be obligated to investigate serious claims, but they won't do much if the bullying is just ingrained in the corporate culture. I have seen HR folks shrug off bullying complaints because "that's just the way it is." Unfortunately, sometimes all you can do is quit.

  • Nancy Anderson
    Nancy Anderson

    @William thank you! That is the answer that everyone was looking for. The bully wants the attention - thrives on it. He wants to see you shaking in your boots. If you don't react, it will really throw him off and he won't know what to do. Bear in mind that he could try other tactics that still constitutes bullying just to see if he can get a rise. No reaction, he's going to walk away. Think about it - when you were in school and you had a bully in your class. What did you do? Did you confront him? Did you steer clear? Did you report him? What were the outcomes? It is my belief that this is when we learn this behavior. So think back to that time and how you reacted and what the consequences were. Speaking up may be the way to go even if the end results are not in your favor. Just remember though - bad mouthing anyone always has a way of coming back to bite you. Use caution to proceed.

  • Lydia K.
    Lydia K.

    @Jacob, I've worked in these type of environments, so I can relate. There can sometimes be a fine line between joking or aggressive comments, and bullying. I've found however, that if something makes you feel uncomfortable, it's okay to speak up about it, in a diplomatic way of course. I've actually been able to resolve some problems this way. My additional advice is to use the appropriate chain of command to make your complaint. Going above your manager's head can make a hostile environment worse.

  • William Browning
    William Browning

    The best way I handled a bully at work was to ignore him. In my experience, bullies behave the way that they do to get attention. If you ignore the bully and simply don't react, it takes away his power. That might not solve the bullying problem because he may find another unwitting victim, but at least the bully learns to leave you alone after a while.

  • Jacob T.
    Jacob T.

    This is one of those really tricky topics that can mislead some people, I think. My current employer engages in ribbing and mildly aggressive comments as a matter of daily business, from the CEO on down. I don't especially enjoy it, but that is the company culture. Culture like that makes it easier for bullies to hide in plain sight and get away with far more than in a respectful work environment.

  • Nancy Anderson
    Nancy Anderson

    Thanks for the comments. It is not fun working in a toxic environment and it's even harder when those toxins are coming from your immediate supervisor. In a smaller company, if you can't have a sit down and talk things out with the bully, then you either have to just take it or walk away. It's tough when you can't go over the person's head because there is no one to go to. Can you stand up to them as @Abbey suggests? If you can, then go for it. Personal example here: while in the service I had a supervisor who was 2 pay grades higher than me try to use bullying tactics on me. I took it for a little while and then just said - quietly and calmly that I would like to speak with him in private. We went into a conference room and I asked him to remove his collar devices and I did the same. I did this in order to put us on the same level and let us talk things out. At first he wasn't very receptive but, as the conversation went on, he started to see how his actions were really affecting not only me but the entire division. It made him take a step back and look at his own actions and performance. Happy to report that changes were made and, when it was time for him to retire, we were sad to see him go. So there are ways to come out with a happily ever after ending.

  • Laura Winzeler
    Laura Winzeler

    The challenge with workplace bullying in smaller companies is that the bully manager is often the business owner as well as the HR department. Or in very small, close-knit organizations, such as family businesses or partnerships born of personal friendships, there’s often not much recourse. I was surprised by how challenging and emotionally painful this was for me two summer’s ago when I was working for a very abusive woman. Much like domestic abuse, sometimes it’s insidious emotional abuse or gaslighting and not necessarily blatant and aggressively overt. Although she was both!

  • Abbey Boyd
    Abbey Boyd

    Standing up to a bully is the first step to eliminating the problem. And of course, as the article states, you must remain professional throughout the encounter. I imagine that the way you handle the situation depends quite a bit on the job level of both the bully and the victim, and the nature of the bullying. No matter what, though, allowing a bully to continue is never a good idea. This enables the person to continue their behavior and potentially elevate the level of the bullying.

  • Nancy Anderson
    Nancy Anderson

    Thanks for the comments. @Katharine it is always better to praise in public and criticize in private. If you have a fear of being in a room alone with the bully, take someone with you. Or go to HR and let them know there is an issue and then they can confront the bully all the while keeping you out of it. @Shannon maybe it isn't right to put some much time and effort into finding out the reasons for the bullying. But really - in spite of the bully behavior - maybe something is terribly wrong at home or maybe the person has a health issue or maybe his boss is riding him all day long and he takes it out on you. Sometimes it's worth it to find out why and to rectify the issue so that all can work together in peace and harmony.

  • Shannon Philpott
    Shannon Philpott

    While these are solid strategies, I disagree with putting too much time into assessing the reason for the bullying. In my opinion, this behavior is never acceptable. Even if you understand reasons why a person is hostile or unprofessional, it shouldn't prompt you to forgive and forget or let it continue. While I understand that the article is aimed at taking a calm and professional approach, it is not healthy or even reasonable for the person being bullied to have to try and understand the behavior.

  • Katharine M.
    Katharine M.

    In the event that an employee chooses to confront a bully, would you recommend he do it in private, or in the presence of other people? I can see an upside to both: if you do it in private, the bully won't be able to say you were unprofessional, but if you do it in front of other people, it may come across as a stronger stand.

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